June 17, 2012

Fact is Better: Cheating on a Lover

We got a Trader Joe's a couple years ago, but I refused to go until recently. I was proud of being a Whole Foods girl. I like their staff, I like their selection, I like the way it smells in the store, I like the giant artichoke statue that hangs from the ceiling in the produce section... it feels like home to me. But, man oh man, can it get wicked expensive.

On the search for cheapo wine that wasn't processed with fish bladders, The Photographer and I were driven into the arms of another lover... Trader Joe's.

And now?  We can't stop going.

Me: "Wanna go to *whispers* Trader Joe's?"
The Photographer: "Sure, Trader Joe's sound great."
The Photographer: "What?"
Me: "Don't say *whispers* Trader Joe's *stops whispering* too loud. Whole Foods might hear you."
The Photographer: "What are you talking about?"
Me: "Every time we go to Trader Joe's I feel like I'm cheating on Whole Foods. And they know about it. Then when we go to Whole Foods, I have to apologize profusely and beg them to take me back despite the fact that we both know I'm just gonna up and cheat on them the moment I'm a little too poor for their outrageous prices."
The Photographer: *raises an eyebrow*
Me: *in a mock sexy voice* "'Hey, Whole Foods.  I see you cryin'. Aww baby girl, listen. How could I refuse the sweet temptation that Trader Joe's offers me? Don't look at me that way, sugar. I can get soy nuggets, french fries, cupcakes, BBQ sauce, tahini, and beer for just $20. With you, sweet thing, that's like a $55 purchase. A girl can't always afford to be with the one she truly loves. You understand right?'"
The Photographer: "You know, I think Whole Foods understands more if you're cheating on them with Trader Joe's then, like, Walmart."
Me: "You know what? I actually take comfort in that."

True story.

Further proof that fact is better than fiction.