December 9, 2011

Fact is Better: Conversations from the Pizza Line

We had stopped by Otto's at the beginning of the First Friday Art Walk in hope of scoring some of their "pear-gorgonzola-arugula" pizza, a specialty for that night only (and they rarely do vegetarian-based specialties). When the girl said they had it, but couldn't put it out yet, we immediately bailed knowing we would just try again later.

Later came, and we slipped back in line. Behind us were two very loud, very arrogant tourists. The woman was so close behind me in the queue, that I couldn't pull a full breath without fear of actually touching her (I wish that was an exaggeration).

Otto's Girl: *recognizing us from earlier* "Hey, we've got the pear one now, you guys want that?"
*we nod enthusiastically.*
Angry Tourist Woman: *starts yell-talking over us - literally* "WHAT WAS THAT?! I MISSED THAT. DID YOU HEAR THAT!? I DIDN'T HEAR THAT!" *she turns to her significant other and sighs heavily as if some great offense has just been personally done to her* "DID YOU HEAR THAT? BECAUSE I DIDN'T."
*we cross the counter to wait on the other side of it, and watch as the woman starts verbally attacking the server.*
Angry Tourist Woman: "I DIDN'T HEAR WHAT THEY ORDERED. WHAT DID THEY ORDER? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT TO ORDER IF YOU DON'T LABEL THE PIZZAS?!"
Otto's Girl: *patiently* "Well, tonight we have: cheese, tortellini, pear-gorgonzola-arugula, pork and mango, chicken-apple-brie, bacon-mashed potato-scal . . ."
Angry Tourist Woman: "WHAT WAS THE ONE BEFORE THAT?!"
Otto's Girl: "Um, chicken-apple-brie?"
Angry Tourist Woman: "NO. NO. YOU'RE LYING. WHAT WAS THE BEFORE THAT?!"
Otto's Girl: "Um . . . I'm not sure . . ."
Angry Tourist Woman: "UGH! WE WANT THE ONE THEY'RE HAVING."
Otto's Girl: "Pear-gorgonzola-arugula?"
Angry Tourist Woman: "YES. UGH. THAT'S WHY I SAID THE ONE BEFORE THE ONE'S YOU WERE LISTING."
*The Photographer and I just look at each other, quietly biting our tongues. When our pizzas, along with the angry tourist woman's, were ready (after they had been cooked), they were topped with fresh arugula and a sweet vinagrette. I grab the slices off the counter and hand one to The Photographer and, trying to be nice since it was crowded and loud (and the angry tourists didn't hear the guy say they were ready), one to the loud woman.*
Angry Tourist Woman: "WHAT IS THIS?! WHAT'RE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?!"
Me: "It's the pear-gorgonzola-arugula pizza you ordered, I was just . . . handing them out?"
Angry Tourist Woman: *she pushes the plate and my hand away from her, and begins to bark at the folks behind the counter.* "WHAT IS THIS?! WHERE'S MY PIZZA. I ASKED FOR THE PEAR, GORGONZOLA, AND ARUGUALA ONE."
Otto's Girl: *takes several deep breaths* "Ma'am, that IS the pear, gorgonzola, aruguala one."
Angry Tourist Woman: "NO. NO. NO IT'S NOT."
Otto's Girl: "Yes, it sure is."
Angry Tourist Woman: *looks around . . . well . . . angrily, before ripping the plate out of my hand* "I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE TWO DIFFERENT SLICES. A PEAR-GORGONZOLA PIZZA, AND AN ARUGULA PIZZA."
The Photographer: *usually the picture of patience, growls under his breath* "We need to leave right now." *as soon we were outside, he breathes out* "WHAT THE HELL IS ARUGULA PIZZA?! Really, arugula pizza? Really?! Those people were just awful." *he takes a huge bite of his slice, and calms right down while the Angry Tourist Woman continues to unhappily bitch in the background.*


How can one be so unhappy when they've got a slice of pizza in their hands?!

True story.

And further proof that fact, and the conversations that happen while waiting in line to get your pizza with other famished folks, is better than fiction.