September 23, 2011

Fact is Better: How to Raise a Sociopath

It's no secret that The Photographer and I love Otto's pizza in Portland, ME. It's an ideal spot for any people-watching foodie, because not only is the pizza delicious, enormous, and affordable, but it draws one hell of an eclectic crowd: businessmen, tourists, hipsters, families, the elderly . . . you name it. It's part of Otto's charm. I can only imagine how much fun the staff of Otto's must have has overhearing customer conversations.

Waiting for our slices one night, The Photographer and I got to overhear a conversation of our own as an Otto's employee retold his experience earlier that evening with a rather interesting customer to the rest of the Otto's employee.

(And unknowingly, to a nosy me.)

It made me love Otto's all that much more . . .

Otto's Employee: "So, seriously man, this mom came in carrying her little son. And he kept saying how he wanted cheese pizza. 'I WANT CHEESE! I WANT CHEESE!' he kept yelling, right? So she looks at all of our pizza options and says to him, 'You can have bacon with veggies or bacon with mashed potatoes.' And the kid is yelling for cheese. 'JUST CHEESE! JUST PLAIN! I WANT JUST PLAIN!' So she repeats herself, nearly screaming in the kid's face: 'You can have BACON with veggies or BACON with mashed potatoes. WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT?!' And the kid sheepishly chooses the bacon and mashed potato one. I smile and sarcastically say to the woman, 'Guess he's gotta grow up sometime, right?' referring to the fact that she wouldn't just let the poor kid have cheese. And she looks me in the eye, totally dead-pan right?, and says, 'Yes. Yes he does.' Fucking crazy shit, I tell you."

Anyway, true story.

Further proof eaves-dropping (fact) is better than fiction.