May 13, 2011

Fact Is Better: Red, Green, Blue. Feathers, Manes, & Boobs.

Driving to church one morning a beautiful cardinal flew in front of the car into the woods.

It’s amazing how something simple like this can spark a conversation like this . . .

Me: “Look! Look! A cardinal!”
The Photographer: “Oh, wow.”
Me: “I love cardinals. They’re such an extraordinary shade of red. Unlike their female counterparts, which are brown colored.”
*beat*
Me: “Just like ducks. The male gets to be brilliant hues of green. And the female gets to be brown.”
*beat*
Me: “And peacocks! Not only does the male get to have bright blue feathers, they’re also HUGE. The female, on the other hand, has small, brown feathers.”
*beat*
Me: “And what about lions?! The male lion gets to have a rockin’ mane. And the female lion . . . she just looks like a big, boring cat.”
*beat*
Me: “You know, now that I think about it, nearly every male creature in the animal kingdom gets to look cooler than the female.”
*There’s no answer from The Photographer, so I quickly glance over at him.*
Me: “What’re you doing?”
*He’s got his phone out and he’s typing something on it.*
The Photographer: “I’m looking up which female animals are the most colorful.”
*There’s a pause while he studies his phone.*
The Photographer: “Okay, so apparently there are none. But, and I quote, ‘it doesn’t matter since the human female form has the most attractive features anyway.’”
Me: “It actually says that?”
The Photographer: “It does.”
Me: “Why would it say that?”
The Photographer: “Because of boobies.”
Me: “ . . . that’s the answer? We’re the prettiest female creature on the planet because we have boobs?”
The Photographer: “Yes.”
Me: “And there are no other answers?”
The Photographer: “No. There are no other answers to this question on the ENTIRE internet.  Besides, if the internet says it's a fact, than it must be.  Besides, every other search result was about colorful mini rex rabbits for sale. . . . That doesn't really make sense, I guess, but the internet is always right.”

True story!

And further proof that fact is better than fiction.