March 12, 2011

Fact Is Better: Sassy Old Women and Donuts Go Together Like Whoa

When I get the hankering for donuts, it consumes me. It's all I can think about it, and the only way to remedy the obsession is to eat one.

Or two.

Before my sister came over for dinner, she and I stopped at the grocery store to pick-up a few items. As we passed the bakery the Boston creme donuts caught my eye . . . their glorious chocolate frosting glistening underneath the flourscent lighting.

Me: "I want a donut. You want a donut? I need a donut. I'm getting a donut."
Sister: *her face morphs from it's usual twisted angst into childlike delight.* "YES!"
Me: "Which one are you craving?"
Sister: "Which one are YOU craving?"
Me and my Sister at the same time: "Boston creme."
*I make a move towards the glass case featuring the donuts, but an elderly couple meander in front of us. The woman, who must've been at least eight-five, was supremely wrinkly and barely five feet tall, but you could tell in her hayday she must've been one tall, hot drink of water. She and her husband stand right in front of our donuts just looking at the glass case for long moments completely oblivious to my sister and I panting behind her. Finally, she slowly turns around and notices us.*
Sassy Elderly Woman: "Do you girls know what you want?"
Me: "We do, is it okay if we jump in?"
Sassy Elderly Woman: "Go right ahead." *she barely leans away from the case, and I have to contort my body around her to open the case doors*
Me: "We're gonna take the Boston creme donuts, is that okay? You didn't want those did you?" *I point to the last two chocolate topped, cream-filled donuts sitting on the tray.*
Sassy Elderly Woman: "No, go ahead." *she pauses, then looks thoughtfully up at me.* "Just don't take the one in the back." *She motions to a hidden Boston creme donut, hiding all the way in the back of the tray, completely out of view.*
Me: *I take it and throw a sly smile at her.* "Don't tell anyone, okay?"
Sassy Elderly Woman: *Her eyes grow wide with alarm* "But what if someone hid it back there to save it? So they could come back later and get it?!"
Me: *I stop, consider this, turning slowly to the woman with a horrified look at what I had just done.*
Sassy Elderly Woman: *breaks out into a wide toothless smile and begins to loudly cackle* "I'm kidding! HAH!"

I don't know why, but this made our night. I hope when we get older we are as with it and sassy as that woman was.

True story.

Further proof that fact is better than fiction.