March 25, 2011

Fact Is Better: Ladders Freak Me Out

While I have no problem climbing apple trees, hiking to the top of mountains, or flying, I DO have a serious issue with ladders.  They've made me uneasy my whole life.  Something about their shape and constant instability makes me nervous.  As a result, when I need to do something "up high," I tend to crawl up things - counters, chairs, etc. all to avoid touching a ladder.

When I needed help at work for something "up high" my only OSHA approved option was to use a ladder.  I refused to it, so I tried to hire out one my fellow employees to do it for me.

Smooth Hoperator: “I don't understand.  Why don’t you just get on the ladder?”
Me: “‘Cause ladders freak me out.”
Smooth Hoperator: “WHAT?!” *he begins to laugh at me*
Me: “THEY FREAK ME OUT." *I yell defensively.*  "Think about it, man, I’m a short girl. I’m used to being close to the ground.”
Smooth Hoperator: “I don’t get it - the ladder is ON the ground.”
Me: “It doesn’t matter. Every step I take up a ladder is farther away from the earth.”
Smooth Hoperator: “But, the ladder is ON the earth!”
Me: “If I’m ON a ladder, than I’m not ON the earth.”
Smooth Hoperator: “BUT THE LADDER IS ON THE EARTH. If you’re ON the ladder and the ladder is ON the earth, then you’re ALSO ON the earth.”
Me: ‘NO. The higher I go on a ladder, the further away I am from the ground – or the earth – and the closer I am to the sky.”
Smooth Hoperator: “Even then, you’re still CLOSER to the ground then you are the sky.”
Me: “No. You’re wrong.”
Smooth Hoperator: *smiles deviously* “Wanna keep going with this?”
Me: *snarls at him before turning away* “Baby, I could go all day!”

Just as long as I don’t have to climb up a ladder, that is.

True story!

Further proof that fact is better than fiction.