September 10, 2010

Fact Is Better: Don't Eat The Red Mushroom, but the Green One's Okay

During the week I get up at 6am to go for a pretty intense four-mile power walk. The Photographer, suddenly conscious about a beer belly he thinks he might get someday, has begun joining me.

Digression: I like to play this game called "I Got You That" where I point at random stuff and tell the person I'm with that, well, I got them that. Whatever it may be. It sounds lame, but it's usually pretty funny.

Bleary-eyed, we headed out the door one chilly morning and before we had headed down the street, I found something for The Photographer.

Me: "I got you those." *pointing to several grapefruit sized mushrooms*
The Photographer: "Thanks."
*we powerwalk past them*
Me: "What the heck?! Aren't you going to eat them?"
The Photographer: "No."
Me: "Why not?! If you eat them you'll be able to shoot fire from your hand. And talk to turtles. And Ba-Bombs."
The Photographer: "Or puke my guts out."
Me: "You ever think that maybe The Mario Brothers were just drug addicts? Like - they consumed various colored mushrooms that made them feel like they had superpowers? C'mon!"
The Photographer: "Like Mario really was nothing more than this little, tiny Italian guy who did some shrooms and than suddenly felt like he was a giant who could stomp on things? Like bricks. And turtles."
Me: "Exactly."
The Photographer: "Now I totally believe The Mario Brothers are just a metaphor for drugs."
Me: "Like Princess Toadstool."
The Photographer: "Starpower. Which is probably just an acid trip."
*we walk for a ways in silence.*
The Photographer: "Or jumping off ledges onto a pole to grab a flag. Or climbing vines up to the clouds to collect coins! What're we teaching these kids?!"
*we walk a little further*
The Photographer: *gasps*
Me: "What?"
The Photographer: "And what about SONIC?!"
Me: "The Hedgehog?"
The Photographer: "Yeah! I always thought there were drugs involved there, too."
Me: "Like really Sonic was just somebody's pet, and they got really high one night and blew pot in Sonic's face."
The Photographer: "Exactly! Then dropped him in a hamster maze. It all makes sense now."
Me: *eyes The Photographer strangely*
The Photographer: "It does!"

True story.

Further proof that fact is better than fiction.