June 11, 2010

Fact is Better: Morally Speaking, Pulled Pork and Chocolate Chip Cookies Are Basically The Same

My friend and I are the two promo girls that have been in the business in the New England scene the longest. She was actually the original promo girl in the state of Maine. Together, we have over ten years of experience, so companies frequently send us - the professionals - in to do private functions or work with important clients.

We did a promo for pharmaceutical reps at a BBQ restaurant.  The bar manager treated us like we were dumb and tried to micromanage our every move, which didn't sit particularly well with us given the fact that, as previously mentioned, we know what we're doing

I was in a particularly sassy mood because I was coming down with strep throat, and the free barbecue food sitting near us was disturbing to my senses. There were homemade chocolate chip cookies though that were delish!

As we were getting ready to leave when the terminally happy hostess swooped down on us, you know, to spread her happiness.

Terminally Happy Hostess: "Did you guys eat? Make sure you eat! Our pulled pork is amazing. Everybody loves our pulled pork. You should really try our pulled pork!"
The Original Recipe: "Yeah, it was good. Thanks."
*The overly bubby and vapid host looks expectantly at me*
Me: "Oh, um, I’m all set, but thanks."
Terminally Happy Hostess: *stares at me as if I’m speaking another language*
Me: "As awkward as this may seem given our present situation: I’m a vegetarian."
Terminally Happy Hostess: “Oh! Well, can I get you something else to eat? Have you tried our pulled pork? It really is the best thing you’ll ever eat.”
*The Original Recipe laughs, and chokes on her chicken wing*
Me: "Thanks, but I don’t eat animals."
Terminally Happy Hostess: "Oh, I see. Well . . . I can have the cooks make you some salmon real quick!"
Me: *now eyes the hostess like she’s speaking another language.* “Thanks, but no. See, if it had eyes or a brain I tend to stay away from eating it.”
Terminally Happy Hostess: “What about our shrimp cocktail? EVERYBODY loves our shrimp cocktail!”
Me: “Thanks, really, but I don’t eat any kind of animals ever.”
Terminally Happy Hostess: “Oh, right, I see, so you won’t have our pulled pork, but you’ll eat our cookie and they clearly have eggs in them.”
*my mouth drops open as I stare at the hostess, who's oozing with attitude* 
Terminally Happy Hostess: "I'm just saying, if you're gonna eat eggs, you might as well eat pork." 
The Original Recipe: *looks at me with mockery in her eyes* "Who's taking the gastronomical morally high ground now?! HUNH?!"

Owned.

True story.

Further proof, fact is be better than fiction.