February 12, 2010

Fact is Better: I'm Smiling At Your Bunny

My scrappy, intelligent, wonderful pet bunny, Boone, was ill. He seemed to have lost a tremendous amount of weight in a short period of time and was also drinking nearly forty ounces of water a day (alot for a three pound creature, in my opinion), so I brought him to the vet's to be looked at. After a preliminary look, they thought he might have kidney disease and asked me to bring him in the following day. They let me know that they needed to draw blood - a rather invasive procedure for a bunny. He would need anesthesia for it. There was a 50/50 chance he wouldn't wake up (small, sick pets who go under risk that).

The vet didn't call, and I started to get nervous. When the phone finally rang, I grabbed it and nervously yelled into the receiver.

Me: “IS HE DEAD?!”
Dr. Clark the Bunny Vet: “What?”
Me: “Is he dead? Is my rabbit dead?”
Dr. Clark the Bunny Vet: “. . . uh, no. No. Can we start over?”
Me: “Sure. Hello?”
Dr. Clark the Bunny Vet: “Hi, Steff, it’s Dr. Clark.”
Me: “IS MY RABBIT DEAD?!”
Dr. Clark the Bunny Vet: “No, he’s not.”
Me: “Is he okay?”
Dr. Clark the Bunny Vet: “Yeah, I’m standing here right now smiling at him.”
Me: “. . . um, okay.”
Dr. Clark the Bunny Vet: “He also doesn’t have kidney disease.”
Me: “That’s great news!”
Dr. Clark the Bunny Vet: “And he’s not diabetic. Which I didn’t think he was, because rabbits don’t really become diabetic. Would’ve been crazy if he had been though. Whoa!, ya know?”
*pause*
Dr. Clark the Bunny Vet: “I am concerned about his liver though. And his white blood cell count. I think he has a liver disease of some kind. We could try to put him on antibiotics. Or, the other option is that you could go see a real rabbit specialist and he’ll give your bunny an ultrasound to see if it’s cancer or a tumor or something, but it’s wicked expensive.”
Me: “Yeah, let’s go with the antibiotics.”
Dr. Clark the Bunny Vet: “Great choice. And his diet?”
Me: “I feed him hay – as much as he wants. And he usually gets a quarter cup of pellets. Oh, also, I give him the leftovers of my cukes and green peppers. Stuff like that.”
Dr. Clark the Bunny Vet: “Hmm. Well, I make salads for my rabbits twice a day. Do you make a salad for your rabbit?”
Me: “Uh. No. I don’t make salads for my rabbits.”
Dr. Clark the Bunny Vet: “I’d like you to start doing that as well. A hearty salad of carrot tops, mescaline mix, and, oh I don’t know, alfalfa sprouts. I don’t like alfalfa sprouts – they make bunnies fat. And I don’t like my rabbits to be fatties. So, when he stops looking bony, take away the alfalfa.”
Me: “Wait. Wait. I’m supposed to prepare salads for my pet? What's he a princess now?”
Dr. Clark the Bunny Vet: “Well, yeah. Most rabbits are divas. Hey, actually, you could make a salad for yourself without the dressing and then you could just share it with him. I gotta go, but your bunny is ready to go home whenever you get here. Well, actually, he’s kinda drugged up still, but it’s all good. Kay? Thanks! BYE!”

True story.

Further proof that fact is better than fiction.