December 11, 2009

Fact is Better: Pancake Prenuptials

My boss at the eco-friendly jewelry company had been quite sick. She'd been in bed for two days before trekking upstairs to our offices to try and work. As she sat in her office, a different room then the one I was sitting in, she started coughing violently. She eventually caught her breath and from the other room had the following - completely random - conversation with me.

Turtle Boss: *loudly from the other room* "Just so you know, I went to Whole Foods and bought a ton of fun flavored cough drops so you don't have to listen to this. I bought anise flavored."
Me: "Well that's gross."
Turtle Boss: "Not a fan of licorice?"
Me: "Nope."
Turtle Boss: "Well then its a good thing we're not married."
Me: "I guess so."
*pause*
Turtle Boss: "So my husband told me AFTER we got married that he didn't eat cake."
*bigger pause*
Turtle Boss: "I mean WHAT THE FUCK?! How are you supposed to be a family if you can't have pancake breakfasts?"
Me: "He doesn't eat pancakes either?"
Turtle Boss: "NO! Well, I mean, he eats them, but with both hands like a big nacho!"
*pause*
Turtle Boss: "I didn't know this was something you were supposed to ask someone before you got married to them - 'Hello, you're handsome, do you eat chocolate cake?' It's like having a house with closets and then moving to a house with no closets. I didn't know I was suppose to ask for closets! Now all my stuff's in the way!"
Me: "That was a horrible analogy."
Turtle Boss: "You only think it's horrible 'cause you didn't get it."

True story.

Further proof that fact is better than fiction.