December 3, 2009

Fact is Better: Of the Polar Persuasion

Maine winters can be hard when it's dark until 7am and then gets dark again at 3pm. There isn't enough day happening. My family usually ends up going stir crazy.

The following text conversation further proves this point.

Me: "You haven't gotten out of bed yet, have you? It's 5:12pm."
Sister: "No. Have atrophied. Can't move. I fear for the worst now . . . my days of turning into the morbidly obese woman whose skin meshes with the bed and when my inevitable death comes they'll need a crane to get me out of the building may be drawing close if I can't will myself to move here."
Me: "Wow, that made me laugh."
Sister: "Bust out the lolersk8s, didja?"
Me: "Yes, anyway I can't seem to stop eating today."
Sister: "I just want to eat. And hibernate. Fuck the dark and cold."
Me: "Ditto."
Sister: "Lets be bears."
Me: "Please!"
Sister: "Of the polar persuasion?"
Me: "This keeps getting better and better."
Sister: "We would drink coke and be cute."
Me: "But bust out the claws when stupid boys tried to interrupt our eating/sleeping cycle."
Sister: "Hell yeah, we could be bipolar bears."
Me: "When do we start?"
Sister: "Soon. We need polar bear DNA. Or a body switching thing. Imagine if polar bear minds were in our bodies?!"
Sister: "People would be like, 'OMG, are they stupid?!' 'No, they're polar bears.'"
Me: "'No, they're bipolar bears.'"
Sister: "I would love to see that. Us with polar bear mentalities. We'd be naked in the snow trying to catch fish in the river."
Me: ". . . and sleeping. This sounds like an amazing life."
Sister: "Fuck being human."
Me: "I'm officially done. RAWR!!! (Which is both Dinosaur and Polar Bear for 'I love you' and 'I'd like to order the cheese pizza, please' depending on the accent)"
Sister: "Fuck man, I don't know fluent polar bear!"
Me: "I don't either, so maybe we should take an adult education course."
Sister: "I'm game. As long as we don't get thrown in a zoo."
Me: "Oh, well, we'd be incognito bipolar bears."
Sister: "We'll wear fedoras and trenchcoats."
Me: "Our height and weight might give us away. Perhaps we should say we're basketball players."
Sister: "Polo players."
Me: "Bipolar polo playing polar bears."

True story.

Further proof that fact is better than fiction.