August 21, 2009

Fact is Better: Adventures of An Ice Cream Overeater, Take Two

A friend and I recently decided to go out on a Girl Date together, which ended with getting ice cream (which, believe it or not, is how most of my days end lately). We showed up at Cold Stone Creamery and there were two young men working. We’ll call them Smiley Guy and Short Guy:

Me: “You guys have cheesecake? SWEET. Can I get cheesecake ice cream with . . .”
Short Guy: “Graham cracker crust and strawberries.”
Me: *pause* “No.”
Short Guy: “You have to have graham cracker crust and strawberries.”
Me: “No. Nope, I don’t. So, no. I want a brownie, and, I don't know, some some cherry pie filling, and some hot fudge sauce mixed in.”
Short Guy: “Uhhhhh, no. Nobody gets that, everybody gets graham cracker crush and strawberries.”
Me: “I’m an ice cream eating champ, okay? I know what I want.”
*Short Guy starts reaching for the graham cracker crust*
Me: “I WANT A BROWNIE, CHERRY PIE FILLING, AND HOT FUDGE SAUCE.”
Short Guy: “No, seriously, though. Nobody gets that. You’re wrong. That’s not the right mix-in for cheesecake ice cream.”
The Cake Maker: “Did you just tell her she was wrong about ice cream? Ohhhhhh, wrong move, dude.”
Me: “Listen, young man, I DO NOT WANT graham cracker crust and strawberries. I don't. At all. Ever. No.”
*Short Guy hesitates with graham cracker crust, before slowly moving to the brownie’s instead.*
The Cake Maker: “Hey, here's a question: would you put bacon in the ice cream if I asked for it? I mean, you are working along side the Tim Horton's counter, so bacon must be readily available.”
Smiley Guy: “We could if you wanted, I guess. We did try putting in donuts once. We tried putting in an Egg McMuffin in, too."
Me: “How’d that work out for ya?”
Smiley Guy: “It was tasty, it was just really disgusting to make. And to look at it. But tasty.”

A few minutes later, the young man with blonde hair who I had met during The Ice Cream Bender came out of the back room. We’ll call him Blonde Guy. How’s that for creativity?

Blonde Guy: “I don’t feel like working. You know what I feel like doing? I feel like sampling every single flavor. Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna do!” *he grabs a spoon*
Me: *yelling from across the room* “Hey dude, you still eating cheesey/bacon/potato burritos from Taco Bell?”
Blonde Guy: *drops spoon guiltily and looks over at us confused* “Uhhhh, no. Ohhhhh! OH! Wait! YOU’RE THE ICE CREAM GIRL!!!! DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE, I am SOOOOO eating those burritos. Every day since the last time I saw you! How’s the video?! AM I IN IT?! Don’t watch what we’re about to do!”
*Blonde Guy gets his spoon and begins to take large bites of every flavor in the ice cream display case. Meanwhile, Smiley Guy and Short Guy gather up some ice cream into a ball, and using their mix-in paddles begin to play baseball*
Me: “They’re all stoned.”
The Cake Maker: “If you were a young teenage man working at an ice cream place with a Taco Bell next door and no supervisors around, you’d be stoned, too.”
*a few minutes later Smiley Guy brings us over large cups of strawberry-banana smoothies.*
Smiley Guy: “So, uh, don’t tell anyone about, um, anything. Like the fact that we were playing . . .”
Me: “Like the fact you were doing what? We saw nothing.”
*I winked, Smiley Guy swooned, my friend laughed.*
Me: “People think I make this all up.”

True story.

Further proof that fact is better than fiction.