February 6, 2009

Fact is Better: The Mocking Doc

Apparently, the doctor's office that I go to hires only really attractive, married, young doctors. For example, my doctor is sexy. He was out today. I got a different doctor. Also sexy.

It's hard for me to be serious and focused on being sick when sexy doctors are touching me.

*looks at chart*
Doctor: "Profession . . . beer model. Beer model? You're a beer model?"
Me: "Yeah. A beer model."
Doctor: "That's amazing. What's a beer model?"
Me: "We're girls who go to bars and educated people on new drinks."
Doctor: "That's the coolest profession I've ever heard of. Are you Irish?"
Me: "Yeah. Kind of."
Doctor: "Your last name is French. You look Irish."
Me: "75% French, 25% Irish."
Doctor: "Yeah, freckles. Fair skin. Nice."
*pause*
Doctor: "It sounds like you're breathing through a snorkel. Want some codine?"
Me: "Not gonna say no to codine."
Doctor: "Nice, and some zythromax, too?"
Me: "Yeah, right on."
Doctor: "Also, to help the laryngitis, no talking or eating anything dairy for the next 48 hours."
Me: *giant pause*
Doctor: "You okay?"
Me: "You mean like no milk?"
Doctor: "No milk, no yogurt, no pudding, no cheese, no ice cream, nothing. No dairy. Like . . . you're like . . . you're like a vegan beer model on codine. That's kind of fun, hunh?"
Me: "That's not really gonna wor . . ."
Doctor: "Also, stop talking."
Me: *glaring*
Doctor: "Right, so here's your prescriptions, and if you want you can take the back exit so that adoring fans don't rush up on you for autographs.”

True story.

Further proof that fact is better than fiction.